You know what is wrong with television today? Not enough opening narration, that’s what! Back in the day, you could count on the producers to slap a few words together to sum up the premise of the show you were about to see, little tone poems worming their way into the subconscious week after week.
Here is a selection of opening narrations that will surely trigger memories, or at least drive you mad attempting to recall. Post your answers in the comments, no googling!
- “A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist.”
- “These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.”
- “It’s a port of call, home away from home for diplomats, hustlers, entrepreneurs, and wanderers. <Redacted> and <redacted> wrapped in two million, five hundred thousand tons of spinning metal, all alone in the night. It can be a dangerous place, but it’s our last, best hope for peace.”
- “Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said <redacted>”
- “By the way my name is Max – I take care of them. Which isn’t easy, ’cause when they met it was murder!”
- “The year is 1987, and NASA launches the last of America’s deep space probes.”
- “Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.”
- “This is the voice of the <redacted>. We know that you can hear us, Earth man!”
- “I am the most powerful weapon of destruction in the two universes”
- “There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture.”
- “Theorizing that one could <redacted> within his own <redacted>, Dr. <redacted> stepped into the <redacted> — and vanished.”
- “This is the story of a time long ago, a time of myth and legend. When the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering. Only one man dared to challenge their power”
- “Transuranic heavy elements may not be used where there is life! Medium atomic weights are available!”
- “…and he must let the world think that he is dead, until he can find a way to control the raging spirit that dwells within him…”
Bonus movie narration:
- “From the dawn of time we came; moving silently down through the centuries…”
Bonus Bonus Epilogue narration:
- “Fleeing from the <redacted> tyranny, the last <redacted>, <redacted>, leads a rag-tag fugitive fleet on a lonely quest.”